I am an odd soul, I admit it freely. By age 10, I was a full fledge Beatle Maniac. The only problem was that I was 10 in the late 70’s-not the mid sixties. During the late seventies and into the eighties, I was one of only a few in my peer group that listened to the Beatles. The Beatles were not hip then, as synth pop and the ethereal sounds of U2 began to dominate the airwaves.
In years past, I have run into old friends from school and they still ask if I am a big Beatles fan. That’s how much my fandom is still remembered.
All that to say-that I recently picked up a used CD copy of the Beatles Rubber Soul record that was recorded and released in 1965. I am always amazed at this record. It’s unique in the Beatles records in that, it is a transition from the Beatles Mersey beat origins to a more experimental, acoustic version of the Beatles-but not quite the full-fledged high priests of psychedelic rock that would emerge in later years with Revolver, Sgt. Pepper, and the Magical Mystery Tour.
One thing that really stands out is the vocals. Rubber Soul has some of the tightest, layered harmonies of any Beatles record. As a whole, it’s almost as if they decided to turn down the instruments and turn up the vocal mix on every track. “Nowhere Man” is still a standout among these gems of amazing vocal harmonies, woven together in a mid-tempo rock sound that is accented with jangly guitars and a lyric that is whimsical and meaningful at the same time. My favorite turn of phrase comes at the end of the chorus when John turns the lyric around to not fit an obvious rhyme. If you’re not sure what I mean-give it a listen to see how this turn of phrase makes you take notice of the words and what’s being sung.
Just some random thoughts as I listen to one of my favorite records.
christianagnostic 
Hi there!
I found your blog when searching for information regarding some of the fear associated with Christianity and looking for answers regarding personal theology. I have some questions for you, and would love to connect with you! Let me know if this is something you would be interested in. I am really hoping to learn from someone who went through a similar struggle as myself.
Thanks!
Amanda
hmmm…I’d be happty to answer any questions. What’s at the top of your list right now?
Not saying I have the answers, but I’d be happy to share what I know.
I was never involved in Young Life completely, but I had a friend who came to me in the senior year of my college career who was heavily involved in Young Life. I mentioned wanting to read the bible more, and she jumped at the chance to read with me. We started having Bible studies, and I eventually drifted away, and then would return. I broke up with my boyfriend and came back to her again to talk. I was hooking up with guys, feeling unfufilled, and came back to her to complain about my situation whenever I felt lost. About two weeks before graduation, I suffered a mental breakdown after spending the weekend drunk and stoned and hooking up with an asshole. The next day I told her I had enough, she credited my problems to not having a relationship with God. I was so miserable, I thought what the heck and prayed.
At first, it was wonderful. But I would go to YL events and feel a little creeped out. I read pamphlets and was scared. I felt like I had just signed up to meet Jesus, and now I was questioning it. And because I was questioning it, I was going to hell. Jesus revealed himself to me, and by questioning this, I was slapping Christianity in the face and therefore sending myself to hell.
So, as heavy as it is, these are the thoughts that sometimes plague my mind. I find true happiness, and true moments in living, in connecting with other people and sending myself on new adventures. And then I feel guilty. My friends in YL told me I needed to live for Christ, and I don’t know what he wants to me to do. I was just learning what I wanted to do, and now I’m afraid that following the path I was in the process of discovering makes me self-righteous and damned.
SO YEAH! That’s very heavy. I guess I wanted to share my story, and find someone who could possibly understand. My non-Christian friends approach me with reason, and my YL friends tell me to focus on Christ. It’s all so intimidating. I feel God’s presence, but I also question how one tiny fraction of religion, and of Christianity (YL) got it all right.
Thats my rant. I don’t even know what I’m asking, maybe not to feel so alone? Anyway. Thank you for reading. And listening. I am sincerely grateful.
Xoxo.
amanda-
Thanks for sharing your story…it is heavy, but you’re not alone. All of us struggle to find direction and meaning in life.
I think that’s the appeal of groups like Young Life. They have a united purpose and a unifying goal in life. Who doesn’t want that? Who doesn’t want to have a group of people behind us-thick or thin?
I think the problem, as I see it…is that while being involved with YL or church gave me realtionships and meaning-I came to understand that it’s founding document (the Bible) is not the word of God. And that many wrongs have been done and will be perpertrated in the name of following the “Word of God”.
How many young men will go on to demand their wives submit to them and demean the women they love. All because of the Bible. How many more Gays will be threatened with hell or their lives-because of the Bible?
These are just some of the questions that I searched out and led me to a point, to reject the Bible as the word of God. Once that fell, I no longer felt comfort from Christianity.
I’m not sure if any of that is helpful…but it’s just a taste of the journey I’ve been on since deciding to no longer put my faith in the God of the Bible.
thanks again for your comments…feel free to post away as you see fit. Admittly, I am a poor blog host and sometimes am not even able to check my site for days on end. But I’ll do my best….
peace-CA
Wow. Thank you so much for sharing.
This was incredible to read for me, so much that I don’t think I can accurately communicate it. It gave me great peace of mind, and broadened my perspective toward religion and general. I don’t think I will lose my faith in God. I do believe that in that moment, when I prayed, Someone was listening. I still think that He is listening, and helping. But I agree with you, it is not the same voice that speaks in the Bible.
Best wishes. I will continue reading.
Amanda