Once Upon A Time (I knows a guy)-Part 1

21 Jan

Once upon a time there was a guy, actually he was three guys.  But he wasn’t exactly a guy like you or me, no he (plural-but not) has been around for just about forever.  And one day he decided to do something about being the only guy-I mean three guys-or whatever….

Though he (plural) wasn’t lonely, and had no needs, and was in absolute complete harmony with himself and his alter egos-he decided to create a whole bunch of stuff and fling  it out all over the universe.

After that, he decided to bring life to a whole bunch of creatures. Then he made a creature that looked a lot like himself and told him to a be the man for this whole planet.

Everything was perfect, because everything he does is perfect, because-you know-he’s perfect.

One day, not long after all this perfect stuff came to life.  Something went wrong.

No one really knows exactly why it happened, but it happened.   You’re probably asking yourself  “What happened?”  Well I (singular) am gonna tell you what happened.

The Incredible Talking Snake

One day, a guy (you know-the guy in charge of the planet) and his honey were out picking fruit together at a nudist colony.   Suddenly, this guy’s honey notices a snake approaching her.

She turns to the snake and he begins to talk to her about a special fruit tree that the guy (plural) told her not to eat from.  The talking snake tells her that the guy told her not to eat the fruit, because then she would know about good & evil.  And if she knew about good & evil, then she would be like the guy(plural).  She hesitated, because the guy(plural) told her she would die if she ate from the fruit tree.  But the talking snake swore to God that it was a lie and that she wouldn’t die.

Deciding she had nothing to lose and that the fruit looked really tasty-she ate some.  And guess what, it was tasty and she didn’t die.  So she took some fruit to her guy (singular) and he ate some too.  He didn’t die either….but they did became aware of good & evil and for some reason they realized that they were naked and decided to start sewing some fig leaves to cover their love parts.

Guy (Plural) Gets Ticked

The guy (plural) who is perfect, and made everything perfect, was pretty unhappy when he was taking an evening walk through the nudist camp and realized that the guy (singular) and his honey had eaten from his forbidden fruit tree.  He got so pissed that he kicked the nudists out and then made sure that they, and their children, would be scourged with, death, misery, war, and disease for thousands of years.  Every mother dying giving birth and every starving infant would be a reminder that the guy(plural) was still pretty ticked at how their ancestors had not listened to him.   For thousands of years, the guy and his honey’s ancestors would beg the guy (plural) to save them from their misery-but he just couldn’t bring himself to forgive what had happened.

To be continued…..

 

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