In my last post (which you can find here), I commented briefly, that Creflo Dollar is claiming that he did not hit and choke his 15-year-old daughter, he only spanked her.
Future mad scientist DB had this to say
First, as a still-Christian, the rod is symbolic of parental authority not permission to beat your kids.
Second, why is everyone up in arms because of her age? Why is it ok to beat little kids but spare older kids? No one should be hit period.
One of the things I regret as a result of my time in the same cultish church as our dear host is that I ever physically assaulted my children.
Nothing will take away that shame and regret.
What you may not know about DB and christianagnostic, is that we used to go to the same church. In fact, we used to go to the same small group, at this church.
It was at this church that I was first exposed to the teachings of Gary Ezzo. DB approached our pastors about some concerns she had with the Ezzo and his parenting advice. They kicked her and her family out of the church and forbid anyone to speak to her. They shunned her family for merely asking them to justify these extreme parenting ideas. You can read DB’s story about these events here.
So there’s a little context as to why DB and I fell so strongly against spanking. It’s because we were parenting young children at a church that encouraged parents to spank at almost any infraction and at any age.
In the parenting classes I attended, we were instructed to begin disciplining children as young as 3 months old. And when I say discipline, I mean we were specifically taught to flick a baby’s backside if they were crying and showing their “sinful” nature. All of this was according to Mr. Ezzo and our pastoral staff, the “Biblical” way to raise “Godly” children. This same pastor, went so far as to suggest that we NOT take our children to any doctor that would inspect their backsides for marks, because then the doctor might be obligated to report suspected abuse.
He went on to say he could recommend a Dr. who “understood” Biblical discipline and was always careful to never inspect children’s backsides for bruising.
If you’re sitting here with your mouth now open and wondering if anyone actually followed this advice….I’m sorry to report that I witnessed young babies being “flicked” for crying too much. As a parent of a toddler, I had been encouraged to begin spanking with a foot long glue stick. Yes, a glue stick. I was told that it ensured that pain was felt and that it left very little bruising.
Now call me crazy, but this sort of teaching is all about control through violence and intimidation, not discipline. And you want to know the other side of it. It doesn’t work….I could list family after family that used to follow this regime, believing that they were raising “Godly “children that would never rebel or disobey (yes-they actually pitched this as a way to insure that you did not ever have rebellious children). Only to have major issues with their children.
I actually attempted to follow this parenting model, but just couldn’t. It seemed so wrong and harsh. As a new parent, I didn’t realize that it wasn’t just harsh, it was abuse. We chucked it pretty soon into it and decided we didn’t care what our church thought. But I still have regret for ever giving heed to such an abusive outlook and it has weighed heavy on me, at times. Once I realized how awful it had been, I would cry (almost uncontrollably) at how adversarial I had been to my own children. They were young and tender, and I was assuming the worst of their tiny hearts.
So when it comes to spanking, I say “Buyer Beware”.
You might be able to control your children in the short-term with such tactics, but you could be sowing seeds of resentment that could last a lifetime.